Tight Rope

So I did a thing. A big thing for me.

I found a lady had posted about her friend needing to leave her living situation, nice Christian lady, in exchange for rent, etc.

So I met her Tuesday for lunch, brought her over for dinner Wednesday, and discussed how there needs to be some give here. There needs to be some way for this not to be 12 hours a day 7 days a week for me. I feel like I’m slowly drowning.

And today is a week later. I helped her move her stuff to my garage, and into my room last Friday. The very first day, already we were having Anita problems. She made too much noise in the kitchen. She was clinking glasses, carrying stuff in and out.

Anita is difficult for the strongest of people, this poor woman was NOT. I seriously doubt this will work with anyone. And you know how if you’re trying to talk about an issue you get a novella in an explanation? That. Look, I’m a girl, over explain, but dear gawd, this was something else.

So it’s Thursday, and she left yesterday. Her stuff is in my garage, but she got a job and Walmart, and knew I wasn’t having germs here. And I feel awful that her only choice is now the women’s shelter, but it is. I can’t save everyone.

It’s a full moon today. I’m quoting from my friend and astrologer Stephanie Jourdan of Higher Self Communications in the West Hills www.higherselfcommunications.com/

“Aries wounds often show up in two forms. One is the tendency to sacrifice oneself and make others’ needs a priority over your own. This fortifies the ego through the role of help and rescue. Use the Aries Moon as an opportunity to get centered and check in with yourself about what your true priorities are.The second form is defensiveness or rage that others are not making your needs a priority. This fortifies the ego by balancing feelings of powerlessness with feelings of anger that no one cares.”

Certainly, I’ve been having some issues in this area. I can’t save people. I can’t will them to think like me. I can’t will them to be flexible. And I can’t be defensive about my ego needs. But that feeling of powerless and how my needs don’t matter certainly rings true right now.

So in a week I’ve managed to have someone move into my room, out, and me to foster a dog. I’ll share the dog story in a different post.

Navigating the likes of COVID19, the feeling of separation, has me about at my wits in. I’m going to think on that, and have intention with what I can do to take care of my needs without negating my needs or responsibilities to others, particularly Dad. It’s not his fault he has Alzheimer’s. The only thing I can control is my reactions. I’m trying.

I think I need the woods. I think I need some aspen leaves. I’m hatching a plan…